I have struggled with meltdowns for as long as I can remember. My meltdowns vary, sometimes they are mini and last about 10 minutes…. Some are intense and can last for an entire day… Sometimes I know when they are coming and I try to avoid them by changing my thoughts, taking a bath, listening to a book on audible, or cleaning. I’ve been successful at detering a few, however most of the time this method doesn’t work. Other times they hit me extremely hard and without warning… All of the meltdowns make me sad, because I don’t look the way I want to. I try on clothes and if they don’t fit right, I’m sad. I step on the scale and when it tells me how much I weigh, I’m sad.. These feelings of sadness cause me to be even more judgmental and harsh on myself. Recently I had a different kind of meltdown, I wasn’t saddened by any of the things that usually creep into my thoughts. I was mad! Anger I had never felt before in regards to my flaws and imperfections. I was mad at the pyjama pants I tried on that didn’t fit right. Mad at the skincare products I use that don’t seem to give me flawless skin. Mad at the tooth paste because my teeth weren’t white enough…. This went on for quite some time and then the confusion set in. Why did I have so much anger this time around? It made no sense to me. Will anger be the direction my meltdowns go from now on?